Pathetic

It's a friday. A quiet and low-key one for me. Have been sleeping alot. Slept early at about 9plus last night and woke up at abt 8 this morning. Had a headache ever since.

As I thought about my presentation during class yesterday, I was very disappointed with my performance, and I had told Dear about it on the phone yesterday. We were given 3 mins each to talk about ANY topic. But i didn't have any topic in mind, so i talked about myself. Blabber blabber blabber. Stammer stammer stammer. Quiver quiver quiver. All the nervousness and unsteadiness were written all over me. Heck I'm not usually like that. What went wrong?

I realised it most probably boils down to my choice of topic. It's not that i dun take pride in myself or my life. But it's not the best topic to talk about. Which also made me aware of an alarming fact. That i have nothing to be passionate about in life. Pathetic. My interests are too diverified and i dun excel in anyone of them. Maybe "I can eat alot of rice at one go". Grrr. It's really sad, when you looked back on your death bed, and wonder, hey what is it that i can be proud of in my life? ZILCH.

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I've been pestering dear for the past few days while she's at work. I dun understand why i'm so petty at times? Sometimes I am so bothered when she does not answer my sms and return my calls. Why am i so affected by it? My behaviour now reminded me of my ex back in the poly days. He behaves like me now, and back then i find it very irritating to have someone breathing down my neck all the time. Why am i commiting it since i found it to be so irritable?

Like they say, relationship is like flying a kite. The tighter you pull the string, it will break. The more you release it, it'll fly away. Balance, once again.....